I have been sober for 43 days and while the frequency has lessened, I am still faced with moments where I want to grab a drink. Just two days ago, my husband decided to have one beer while grilling our dinner. He always thoughtfully checks in with me first to make sure it won’t be a bother and all I can ever think is “damn, it must be nice to be a normie.” As I was in the kitchen preparing the vegetables, he stepped outside but happened to leave his cold beer glass on the counter. I found myself staring at it almost longingly, like something out of a trashy romance novel. I didn’t even particularly want the beer itself, but I was overcome with the thought that I could just sneak a quick swig. Just one to remember the taste. Just one to get that nice warm feeling in my belly. If I was fast, my husband would never even know. But I didn’t do it because I would know. Then, as it has time and time again since my day one, something else came up for me. Accountability to others.
Many of you know that I have not yet made a decision on going to AA and so far, I feel like I’ve done just fine without it. But, that doesn’t mean that I don’t have support, and much of that support has been right here in this space and through social media – Twitter, in particular, with the #recoveryposse. What came as a very pleasant and unexpected surprise during my journey into sobriety are the connections that I would make through these resources. The recovery community runs far and wide across the world and so many people come together in these corners of the web, and it is powerful. Every time that I’ve considered picking up a drink I think of them, or more appropriately, I think of all of ‘you’ who are reading this right now. In those moments of near weakness, I have considered what it would feel like to admit to all of you if I took a drink again and my heart breaks at the thought.
While accountability to myself is my top priority, the power behind the connections I’ve been building has undoubtedly helped me to pass up drinking on countless occasions. Even if I’m not in front of my phone or computer screen, you are all always with me. Your support and encouragement speak volumes at times you may not even realize. I am grateful each and every moment for the online recovery community. If what lies just beyond my fingertips is so powerful, I can only imagine the power of what might lie within a face-to-face recovery community and it’s possible that I’ll take that leap one day. For the time being, I’m quite certain I wouldn’t have made it this far without all of you. Consider this a giant thank you to all of you beautiful, online recovery community people!