I’m struggling with anonymity today. I’ve written previously that I’ve chosen to remain generally anonymous on the blog as well as through my Twitter feed in an effort to avoid causing any hurt towards some others. While the name I use here is a part of my real name, it isn’t what I go by in the real world and I want so desperately to share that and more with all of the fine people I’ve been connecting with in these new spaces. I didn’t expect to find such a supportive and truly amazing group of folks in this social media recovery space, and I am thankful for every single one of you. I’ve always been active on social media, but never in this way and it’s making me crazy not to just put myself all out there. In some ways, I feel like I’m letting you down by holding this part of me back.
My choice to stay somewhat anonymous isn’t about me not wanting people to know my struggles or my problem with alcohol, not at all. In fact, I sincerely feel the need to own and share my story. What I’m concerned about is not just hurting a couple of people, but I’ll admit that I also still have a deep seated fear of my ex-husband. I haven’t gone into much detail yet in terms of that part of my life, but when I do, I can’t say that I trust what his reaction would be if he came across it. Perhaps I’ll get past all of this one day, and if so, then I’m sure next I’ll worry about how people will take my name change or how on earth I’ll ever integrate my social media accounts. It seems almost silly to think about that now when there are far more serious things to be concerned about in life, like staying sober.
I simply wanted to put this message out to any of you who do follow me so that you know where I stand on the issue. If I’m going to continue to write freely then I will need to continue down the incognito path for a while. But, if we develop a connection and you feel inclined to ask me what people call me in the real world – ask away. I just might tell you.