Today I Noticed – Day 5

Today I noticed that Christmas Day might be my favorite day of the year. It isn’t about presents, we don’t even exchange gifts, but it’s about a day that E and I have together that is completely uninterrupted. There is no place to be, no place we have to go, nothing that needs to be done. Just cooking, eating, watching movies, and being together. It’s quiet, it’s delicious, it’s perfection. When the day faded to a close, I was already longing for it to be back as soon as possible. There are very few days where emails aren’t coming my way, where work isn’t in my head in some fashion, and this is one of them. It was nice to shut it all out, to not even look at my email, I barely even touched my phone other than to call family and wish them a Merry Christmas. Now, not my mother, as she doesn’t celebrate it, but I still called to say hello. I never experienced the act of gift giving and the joy around Christmas growing up. I was made to feel like it was a shameful thing to stay far away from. I always secretly wondered what it would be like to share in the joy that so many people/kids talked about, but knew it was considered wrong in my religion. It was a mystery to me, and while I never did get to understand what it felt like as a kid, as an adult I take great pleasure in this season. I love my tasteful decorations in my home, some pretty ornaments on our tree, lights outside to decorate our front porch, and the garland over the mantel. There is a coziness that comes with this season that is unlike any other time of year or holiday. I’m a sucker for holiday music, Christmas movies, and pajamas by the fire. Creating traditions with my husband makes me happy, and knowing that I can celebrate this time and this day without feeling like I’m going to be cast out or die as a result, is more peaceful and pleasant than I can even explain.

 

For a greater understanding of what I’m doing with this exercise check out Day 1.

Author: Tracie

I'm a 40-something woman & chronic blogger who also happens to be an adult child of an alcoholic, former Jehovah’s Witness, and abuse survivor. I’m fortunate to be where I am today; although I’m still figuring it all out, it’s finally time I owned my truth. Newly sober as of 2.20.18 Follow me on my new site: http://www.thetruthofbeingus.com

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